Best Joke Book

 

 

Volumes One, Two & Three

 

 

compiled by

 

Paul D Kennedy

e-books only 99 cents each

Enjoy Jokes on FaceBook 

Click to see sample pages on:

Amazon (Volume One)

Amazon (Volume Two)

Amazon (Volume Three)

Smashwords

 

A couple of cops were parked outside a bar. About closing time, they noticed a man, who was so drunk he could barely walk, leaving the bar. The guy stumbled around the parking lot for a few minutes while the officers watched quietly.

After trying his keys on five different vehicles, the man managed to find his own car which he fell into. He sat for a few minutes as other patrons left the bar and drove off.

Finally, he started his car, switched the wipers on and off [it was a dry night], flicked the hazard flasher on and off, tooted the horn and then switched on the lights. He moved the car forward a few inches, reversed a little and then stayed stationary for a few more minutes as patrons continued to drive off.

At last he pulled out of the parking lot and started to drive slowly down the street.

The cops started up their patrol car, put on the flashing lights, followed the guy and pulled him over.

They carried out a breathalyser test and were amazed to find that the man had not consumed any alcohol at all!

One of the officers said "We'll have to ask you to come to the police station with us. This breathalyser equipment seems to be broken."

"I doubt it," said the man. "Tonight, you see, I'm the designated decoy."

 

Feedback

We'd love to hear what you think of the Best Joke Book. Please send your comments to:

paul@bestjokebook.com

 


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Hundreds of fantastically funny jokes, plain and ribald culled from a joke-bank that has taken half a lifetime to assemble.

 

Most of the jokes in the Best Joke Book are a quarter to half a page long. They have been reworked for oral delivery by an experienced editor so you can use them to keep the blag and banter going.

 

The longer jokes are interleaved with a wide selection of one-liners ... ideal attention grabbers in a pub or late night get-together.

 

Click to see sample pages on:

Amazon (Volume One)

Amazon (Volume Two)

Amazon (Volume Three)

Smashwords

 

Caveat: some of these jokes are extremely funny indeed ... due care and caution is advisable.

 

Employers can avoid hiring unlucky people by tossing half the CVs they get into the bin.

 

"Panda Mating Fails; Vet Takes Over" newspaper headline

 

"No trespassing without permission" sign-post

 

Buy Best Joke Book

for ONLY 99 cents from:

Amazon (Volume One)

Amazon (Volume Two)

Amazon (Volume Three)

Smashwords

 

"I'm not part of the problem; I'm a Republican" George Bush

 

Inocullate (noun): to take coffee intravenously

 

I've always wanted to drown my troubles but the wife refuses to go swimming.

 

Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired.

 

Buy Best Joke Book

for ONLY 99 cents from:

Amazon (Volume One)

Amazon (Volume Two)

Amazon (Volume Three)

Smashwords

 

Enjoy Jokes on FaceBook 

About e-books

 

All three volumes of Best Joke Book are e-books, books that can be read online ... on a Kindle reader, on a computer or laptop (using apps such as Stanza, Aldiko, Adobe Digital Editions, and so on), on Apple iPads or iBooks, on a Nook, Sony Reader, Kobo and a host of other e-reading devices.

 

E-books are created in a variety of formats. To read an e-book you need either a particular device (such as a Kindle reader or an iPad) or an app or reader software for the particular format.

 

Apps or readers enable you to read the book on your PC, laptop, smartphone, etc. They are FREE and downloading them is simple and quick (see below).

 

Both volumes of Best Joke Book are available in the most popular formats. 

 

Free Kindle Software

You can read a Kindle ebook on your PC by downloading the software free of charge from:

Kindle for PC

 

To read Kindle eBooks on your laptop, tablet, Mac, iPad,  Blackberry, iPhone, Android, etc, etc, you need to download a free app from Amazon:

Free Kindle Reading Apps

 

Other free reading software

Just click on these links:

Adobe Digital Editions

Adobe PDF Reader

Stanza for Apple

Aldiko for Android

 

Writer's Profile

On Amazon

On Smashwords

 

Portable Readers

Buy portable e-book readers:

Kindle

Sony

iPad

Nook

Kobo